I remember that day, but only in pieces….little bits of information that seems so clear with holes carved all through it…..so here goes…

I remember the day he died was the 15th of May, not the 16th. When I got the death certificate, I knew it was wrong but did it really matter to anyone but us….no….so I left it that way. We found out he was in the hospital on Mother's Day and flew up that night. My brothers and I agreed that if he was still as sick as we thought he was, and had what we thought he had that he would come back to Florida with us. Naive….he was much worse than we knew.

By the time we got there Monday morning, he was hooked up to everything imaginable and had a huge rack of IV antibiotics in his legs all trying to fight off the pneumonia. He never was conscious, never got to look into his eyes or talk to him. The room had constant family members in and out, most of the time though it was one of us with my grandmother who stayed in that room almost the whole time. So we sat, in that little hallway outside his room on the cardiac ward and waited. His heart stopped once that day while I was there. Grandma crying terribly and there I sat hugging his partner and wondering what he must think about all this. To love someone and care for them and not be able to show anyone who he was, or how much he cared. They got his heart going again, but….who knew that wouldn't be the last time his heart would do that.

By around 5 or so, my brothers and I were pretty beat and needed to eat…so I took his partner into the room before I left so we could both say goodnight….I actually told Bobby it would be alright, not to cry because he was a strong man and would be alright…..he wasn't. He died while I was gone…..I left with Diana and Stacy and went to get food, by the time I got back I met Joe in the hallway to the cardiac unit and he shook his head and said he was gone. His heart had stopped again and they couldn't start it back. So I set everything down and went down the hallway to see him.

When I got in the room, grandma and Aunt Sue and Uncle Jim were in the room. Grandma just kept saying she couldn't believe it and asked me if I could….I had no idea what to say. Then either my aunt or uncle said they had taken his rings off so that they wouldn't get stolen….I just looked at them like WTF and said give them to me…somehow they were ushered out and I stood there alone with the one person who had always listened to me. The one who had always made everything alright…..

I just looked at him…gone…I held his hand and touched his face for the longest time. Trying to remember…memorize…trying to imagine everyday after that one without him. After a while I left that room, left him…told my friends it would be best if I just went back to grandmas with Joe.

We walked to the car and drove in total disbelief, didn't know what to say…..so we turned on the radio…and would you believe that Green Day's Time of your Life came on the radio followed by Creed's Arms Wide Open…as with everything in my life, the music always finds a way to get through. To this day, I hear those songs and think of that day.

Wayne Reaster